Certified cuisine. Certified gas. No exceptions.
Toot Kitchen lets you select from eight rigorously sourced ingredients, drop them in the pot, and watch a dish come together in real time.
Every dish, regardless of ingredients, concludes with an audible release of gas, synthesized live and certified on the spot by the Institute of Culinary Gas.
We do not evaluate dishes for flavor. We evaluate them for inevitability — the certainty that whatever goes into the pot, something will come out of the diner.
Aroma Intensity and Gas Output are measured instrumentally, immediately, and without the diner's consent. Results cannot be appealed, only ventilated.
Aroma Intensity is measured on a scale from 0 to 100%, where 0% represents a dish so inoffensive it does not belong in this kitchen, and 100% represents total atmospheric takeover of the room. In four years of certification, no dish served here has ever scored below 78%.
Dishes prepared by this kitchen are provided for entertainment purposes only. The Institute of Culinary Gas accepts no liability for cleared rooms, raised eyebrows, or any long-term erosion of your household's tolerance for your cooking.